I did two reviews for my peers. They are here and here, by Adam Karsten and Jess Gonzales, respectively.
As far as my own draft is concerned, I was happy to see less technical errors being seen by my peers, and more analytical details which I can fix later on. I can see the improvement I have started to make through this course.
My original message was to bring the deaf community together through a common political act of asking the government for more money for funding public and private schools for the deaf. I think this was addressed clearly in my written message, but I am not sure how effective it will be until it is posted to the public. I am now revising my article to make it flow better and be more understood for when I translate this into a video presentation for the YouTube world. I am revising this article for DHH students, parents of these students, and school administrators with a similar issue. I may also be revising this for politicians if they see my post. The length of my paper has stayed the same. I think I may try to cut it down in order to fit inside the video timeline. I do not want to lengthen it. The format and appearance will change a great deal. I will hand write my statements on index cards and present them in a video format much different from a google doc. My use of evidence will stay the same, but at the end of my video I will provide the articles I used for my project so my audience can look for more information if they so choose. My introduction and conclusion will probably stay the same. I don't see a whole lot I need to change besides defining DHH. My argument will stay the same as well. I do not plan on changing that.
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