Here is my drafting process for the thesis statements. Instead of circling the items I wanted to focus on I decided to highlight.
My thesis statement idea is:
With the help of his educated background in deaf studies and American Sign Language, John Miller shows mixed hearing and non-hearing family members the perfect guide to education focused on each individual child’s needs without interference of personal judgement or bias, allowing for the family to come to their own personal choice in such a personal matter.
John Miller composes a beautiful article for the perfect guide for new families of the HOH or Deaf community on the best education practices available to them. Through an unbaised approach, he helps parents pick the best education for their child focused on that child's level of need.
I think, understanding the full assignment now, I wish I had picked a different article. This article was picked because it fit best with the first analysis assignment given in this deadline, but it doesn't match the end project very well. I would have picked a more suggestive article if I had known this was what we were working towards. Because there isn't much of an argument in this article, the challenge will be allowing it to be used like one without a biased opinion in my final draft.
REFLECTION:
I commented on Selena's post first. I found both of her thesis statements to work well for the essay. I liked how direct and clean the paragraphs were. I would like to use this and apply it to my own statements to make them more clear.
I then commented on Jess' post. I thought she could use more direct language and when I thought about my own thesis I realized that I could use the same advice. I also found that I should use the author and the name of the article in my statement. It may help direct the audience of my analysis.
I agree with Jake that I need to separate my first thesis into multiple statements in order to help the flow and "vibe" of my thesis. I should also look back through the article and look for what isn't in the article, as Ms Wolfe stated. I think this will help.
Reading through your comment at the end, I think anything be can taken suggestively. No matter what the article is, I am sure you can find many ways to see opinions forming, even through parts that are purely mentioning facts. Everyone always has an opinion on things, sometimes it just takes some reading in between the lines. In regards to your thesis statements, I think the first one is more suitable with information; however, the second one flows a little better. I think you tried to make the first a long, in depth thesis, rather than just separating it out. Remember that a thesis isn't always one sentence. Maybe try using similar wording and flow from the first thesis, but separating it out into two sentences. I think this will give you a little better vibe to your thesis.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Jake. Hang in there. Perhaps it's not as blatantly biased or suggestive as some other articles, but maybe that's its strengths? The best advertisements make us think that they don't work on us. So consider not only what is there, but what is left out, what's between the lines, etc.
ReplyDeleteI have had the same issue with my article, but I've come to see it as a challenge. What information in the article grabs your interest that you can expand on? With carefully chosen words you can fashion a compelling text out of information that is more sparse than you'd like it to be. There's no length requirement - as far as I can tell - so I'd advise that you write a more brief text with weighty ideas.
ReplyDeleteI liked your first statement better in that it sounded more grounded in fact than emotion, as in the second one.